I Can't Save You

November 1, 2022

Chin-Quee describes himself as a "not white, mostly Black, and questionably Asian man" and explains that he grew up dealing with a family history of depression and his own sense of inadequacy. But succeed he did; he's now a board-certified otolaryngologist. He's also an award-winning storyteller with the Moth, and as he relates his own life, he argues for the healing and instructive power of storytelling.

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February 15, 2023
A Black physician confronts racism, self-doubt, and inner demons. In his soul-baring debut, Chin-Quee, an otolaryngologist who has consulted for the TV shows Grey's Anatomy and The Resident, offers an intimate look at his transformation from a fearful child into a confident, competent physician in a demanding specialty. His parents, immigrants from the West Indies, were professionals: his mother, a psychologist; his father, a lawyer. His mother struggled with depression, and his father, addicted to gambling, was disbarred. Although young Tony wanted to keep the family's turmoil secret, his pain erupted as panic attacks and anxiety. As he grew, Chin-Quee managed to hide his feelings "behind a high-wattage smile and a booming laugh," but he wrestled with a familial legacy of mental illness and self-destructive behavior. "I knew that, just beneath my skin, my father lived inside me," he writes. "He lived in my insecurities and my weaknesses. He lived in my fears." Those insecurities were intensified by racist encounters as well as the physically and emotionally exhausting process of becoming a physician. "What the hell was I doing there other than playing dress-up in doctor's clothing?" he asked himself as a first-year intern. The author was beset by feelings of anger and defeat, "the undercurrents of the lessons I learned at home; constant reminders of the power I didn't have whenever I stepped out into the world." Most debilitating, he was harangued by an inner voice--a "bold and sadistic antagonist"--that ruthlessly berated him, and he became depressed, even suicidal. Chin-Quee capably recounts his hard road to personal and professional survival, negotiating the White-dominated world of medicine and comprehending the complexities of his own identity. He came to recognize the traits "that truly matter: the self-awareness and strength of character necessary to weather the devastating emotional trials that are sure to come; the humility and grace required to be an effective, collaborative, and avid lifelong learner." A candid, stirring chronicle of struggle and success.

COPYRIGHT(2023) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

March 15, 2023
In his frank memoir, Chin-Quee, an otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat surgeon) with an undergraduate degree from Harvard ("the fucking epitome of my immigrant elders' American dream") and a medical degree from Emory, shares his bumpy journey. His father gambled, accumulated debts, and watched horse racing on TV instead of paying attention to his kids. A Black man with Jamaican roots, Chin-Quee grapples with racism, depression, and self-harm (he's a cutter). He could have written about his stints as a medical consultant for Grey's Anatomy, a staff writer for The Resident, or an award-winning storyteller with The Moth. Instead, he mainly recounts stories from his medical training years, including detours into his boozy dating life. Haunted by his father, he recounts the bad dreams he has about him. This is a demanding read, and Chin-Quee gives fair warning at the beginning when he writes, "Hold on to your butts. It's a wild ride." His story will resonate, particularly with readers who feel as though they don't quite fit in and those dealing with a family history of mental illness.

COPYRIGHT(2023) Booklist, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

March 20, 2023
In this scattered debut, surgeon Chin-Quee catalogs his tumultuous path to becoming a doctor. Growing up in Brooklyn as an only child of West Indian immigrants, Chin-Quee was encouraged to pursue a steady career path from an early age. After medical school, he began his residency at a Detroit hospital, and he relays the mental and physical tolls of that experience in harrowing anecdotes about his first patient death, a night out with coworkers that ended with Chin-Quee jumping into a broken elevator to rescue a passed-out friend, and his fraught relationship with Waldo, a younger resident he struggled to mentor. Throughout the residency, Chin-Quee was seized by fears that his career and personal relationships would fall apart, and he attempts to capture that instability with a series of stylistic flourishes, including poems, a potential suicide note, and a screenplay that documents racial microaggressions he’s endured. Though they’re inventive, many of these exercises fall flat, neither entertaining nor affecting enough to make an impression. Some late passages about Chin-Quee’s father are moving and illuminating, however. It’s a valiant effort, but it doesn’t stand out on the crowded shelf of medical memoirs. Agent: Jon Michael Darga, Aevitas Creative Management.